yes, those are my feet. (nice ankle-sock tan, eh?)

yesterday i went to a decadence pool party with some friends. the pool ended up being more of an oversized bathtub, about 6’x10′, though very pretty. i wasn’t really feeling like immersing my entire body in water, but i did dangle my feet in. hence, the photo. it somehow seems fitting for this entry.

i had hoped when i got back from fest this summer that i would get better about writing in this blog. but even though i hardly get any traffic to it on a daily basis, it’s ended up feeling way too public for me to write about what’s going on in my head and heart these days. i’ve mostly been relegating any writing i’m doing on those topics to my livejournal, which is more private, and really, i’m hardly writing there either. i write in my own private journal sometimes, but that’s not for public consumption in any way. just a place for me to work stuff out. and clearly, i need to be working some shit out right now.

without much of a crafty or other work life happening right now, i find i don’t have all that much to say. yeah, i went to decadence. there were semi-naked gay men in crazy outfits. lots of people were drunk. i’m glad i got out of the house on such a pretty day and went to the party and parade, and yes, a part of me does still enjoy these kinds of displays of public theater that are so commonplace here in new orleans… but mostly i wasn’t really feeling it. the parade was incredibly short, i saw only a handful of dykes that i wasn’t there with, and i clearly was not fucked up enough to be having all that much of a good time. (i chose not to drink too much because i’m trying to be nicer to body right now and not contribute to the depression i’m already fighting.) i did drink a few beers, but passed on the everclear jello shots being sold out of someone’s front door on royal street that everyone else was consuming like candy.

i took a bunch of photos. these guys were my favorites:

after the parade we all went back to the pool party and i hung around for a while, ate a brat and a burger (thanks y’all!), but after a bit, i just realized i should just go home. i just wasn’t feeling it and didn’t want to bring anybody else down. i was sad i missed the black men of labor 2nd line that went right by the house a little later after i’d gone, but oh well. it’s new orleans… there will always be another parade, another 2nd line… thank goddess.

so anyways. today i’m supposed to be writing my music column, possibly my last one for them, but i’m having a hard time getting going. i’m listening to this new disc by a band called the drums. they are kinda perfect for my mood today, retro emo a la the smiths or joy division, with song titles like “it will all end in tears” and “i need fun in my life.” <sigh>

yeah. i do need some fun in my life. i’m working on it, and for the most part, i feel like i’ve been doing a really good job of self-care and trying to be positive. i’ve been exercising regularly, taking my vitamins, and getting out of the house and socializing a LOT more. i’m taking the baby steps. i’m just having a rough patch. everybody has rough patches.

this too shall pass. hopefully sooner rather than later.